Holding Two Truths
Competition and Character Growth
There’s a tension I keep running into, and I’d be lying if I said I had it figured out after over 20 years in college athletics.
The athletic world is built around competition. Results matter. Wins matter. When we lose, I’m frustrated and sometimes embarrassed, because that competitive edge hasn’t softened over the years. I don’t expect it to, and honestly, I don’t want it to — but it creates a real internal conflict I have talked to many friends about over the last several years.
At the same time, I’ve seen enough seasons and enough teams to know that the deepest growth doesn’t show up in the most successful of seasons. It shows up when an athlete, or team, is forced to confront who they are when their role changes, in the midst of a long losing streak, or when a season doesn’t look anything like the one they imagined. Those moments are where real maturity, character, and transferrable skills gets formed — not in the celebrations, but in the hard or dark times.
When I look back on some of the most impressive kids who ended up thriving long after they left campus, there’s a pattern. They weren’t the ones whose story was easy. They were the ones who hit adversity and stayed engaged. They kept showing up even when they were discouraged. They held themselves to a standard when no one was watching. They didn’t get mad and quit. They didn’t blame the coach. They asked for help. They worked through conflict instead of avoiding it. They didn’t blow up the group when things went sideways. They learned resilience the hard way, not because they wanted to, but because life gave them no choice. AND they have coaches who helped lead them through this moment.
And it’s not just an athlete thing. Staff go through the same cycle. I’d take the coach or administrator who’s been knocked around a bit — who has learned to steady themselves, stay connected, and keep their identity rooted in something deeper than a scoreboard — over the person who’s only tasted easy success. People who have walked through disappointment without quitting bring a steadiness and depth that can’t happen without some time “in a valley”.
That’s where the tension hits me hardest. I want to win as badly as anyone, but I’ve seen that the very environment that is the most difficult— the tough stretches, the setbacks, the internal frustration — often creates the best conditions for growth. Losing forces conversations that winning lets you avoid. It exposes blind spots. It requires humility. It reveals whether a team’s care for one another is conditional or real. And it demands a level of consistency that isn’t tested when things are good.
The challenge is holding both truths at once: the competitive fire that’s real and necessary, and the recognition that struggle is often the teacher we’d never choose but desperately need. It is a big part of what makes athletics worth it as an avenue to character growth.
Things That Are Making Us Think
For those of you who are old, speed up and listen. For those of you who are young, slow down and listen.
-Arthur Brooks (paraphrased)
“High trust cultures give the benefit of the doubt,. low trust cultures do the opposite.”
-Bruce Brown